I was trying to think of something special to do or say for your birthday today.
Sometimes – ok a lot of times – spoken words just escape me.
I know our phone conversations are short.
Sometimes it’s because of the kids – too much fighting/wrestling/smashing and crashing – and my attention goes to them and not you.
But most of the time it’s me.
I have words, just on the surface, but I won’t let them come out.
Too much emotion I guess.
Too many things unspoken after all these years.
Too much going on in my head about my life, the boys, everything.
I’m afraid that once I start, the flood gates will open and I won’t be able to stop.
But if there’s anything I’ve realized, though, after all we’ve been through…
If you don’t say it now, you may never get a chance to say it at all.
So I’m doing it in the way I know best. In a letter here to you:
Thank You for being the glue that held our family together. Even before Dad was sick.
Thank You for everything you gave up those 13 months.
Thank You for being the strong one. When the rest of us were falling apart, you were there for us.
Thank You for speaking up at the Town Democratic Caucus during the conversation about who would step into Dad’s seat at the State House. You spoke for me when I couldn’t speak for myself.
Thank You for standing by my every decision I made those two years following when I was at the State House. You never once told me what to do. But always stood by what I chose. Even when I knew it was time to leave.
Thank You for standing by every decision I’ve made period.
Thank You for hosting our wedding at your house. I knew it then but even more now how hard it was – emotionally, physically and financially. You never said no. You made our day magical and special. Rainbows and all.
Thank You for being at our house when Gerry was born. And for sitting with me in the hospital when Tim needed a break.
Thank You for being here with Gerry when Howie was born. Knowing you were with him made those difficult days a little easier.
Thank You for staying at our house longer than planned after Howie was born. And for convincing me through my tears that I could parent two kids.
Thank You for your immediate and complete understanding and acceptance of the boys and their diagnoses and special needs.
Thank You for the trips to Story Land, the Aquarium, and everywhere else.
Thank You for the hours on the floor playing with Hot Wheels and Little People and Legos.
Thank You for getting Gerry out of here for ice cream when he couldn’t be in the house one more second.
Thank You for showing me that hope and love springs eternal, and that new chapters can be written with new loves.
Thank You for understanding these days when I can’t talk.
Thank You for always having room for us.
Happy Birthday Mom.
Thank You for being my mother.
I love you.
“Well, I know it’s kinda late.
I hope I didn’t wake you.
But what I gotta say can’t wait,
I know you’d understand.
Every time I tried to tell you,
The words just came out wrong,
So I’ll have to say I love you in a song.” – I’ll Have To Say I Love You In A Song by Jim Croce