Instant panic.
That feeling you get when you turn around and your child isn’t there.
I could tell you about the time when we were in a hotel near StoryLand in New Hampshire. Howie was three. We were staying in one of those two room suites where you could close off the bedroom from the other part of the room. I had baby Lewis ready for the shower, and I went into the bedroom part of the suite and handed him into the bathroom to Tim. Howie and Gerry were in the other room. Gerry was watching a Red Sox game on the TV.
I come out of the bathroom and Howie is gone.
“Howie? Howie? Where are you?”
No answer.
I check in the closet. The drawers. Behind the table. Is he hiding from me because he doesn’t want a shower? Playing a game? Both rooms together are about 700 square feet. He’s nowhere.
“Gerry! Where is Howie??”
His eyes shift to me from the TV. “I don’t know.”
“Howie!! Howie!!” But I know full well he won’t answer to my screams.
After what seems like a lifetime, I notice that the door to the room is slightly ajar. I run out into the hallway.
At the end of the hall I see Howie. In nothing but a pull-up. I grab him just as a man comes out of his hotel room.
“I looking for you.” he said.
He was trying to find where I was when I went into the bathroom. The door to the hallway looked like the door to the bedroom in our hotel room. He opened the wrong one and left.
**********
I could tell you the statistics. This from the National Autism Association: “a study released in Pediatrics showed that 49% of children with autism like Mikaela are prone to wandering, a rate four times higher than their unaffected siblings. This indicates that this is not an issue of bad parenting. From 2009 to 2011, 23% of children who died following a wandering incident were in the care of someone other than a parent”
I could tell you that I know I am lucky that my kids aren’t bolters. For the most part they stay with me in unfamiliar and familiar places. But they lack impulse control. They don’t answer to their names when called. And all it would take is that One. Split. Second.
But there are many children who do run. With no sense of fear or danger. Kids that will follow a butterfly down to a creek or decide it’s time to leave and get in the car and lock themselves in. These are my friends’ stories. And their friends’ stories.
I could tell you that three little ones lost their lives this week after wandering and drowning. Three.
But instead…
To honor Mikaela and Owen and Drew I am doing one thing today.
I am printing out the First Responder profile form for my kids and bringing it to our local police and fire departments. It’s on page 10 of this PDF.
It has questions like: Other Relevant Conditions (other than autism): _ No Sense of Danger _ Nonverbal _Attracted to Water _Seizures
It has a info sheet with tips for searching for an autistic child and how to interact with a child once found.
It has a spot for a recent photo.
It’s one more layer of protection for my boys.
I urge you to do the same for your child too.
My heart is with the Lynch, Black and Howell families today and always. We are with you.
“Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
Cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven” – Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
Many special needs bloggers are joining together today to bring comfort to the families and to shine a light on autism and wandering. To read them, click HERE for the link up at Adventures in Extreme Parenthood
Try Defying Gravity 
May 20, 2013 at 10:35 am
I could not have said any of this better. There are no words for the grief of the families who have lost their children this past week. 😦
May 20, 2013 at 11:05 am
Beautifully written, as always. One. Split. Second. I know….I know. And your song selection just gives me chills.
May 20, 2013 at 11:29 am
I’m in tears. I too am preparing the first responder paperwork to turn in to my local sheriff’s office and police department. I live on a chain of islands. Water is everywhere. It’s scary to think…it cold have been one of ours.
May 20, 2013 at 12:28 pm
this topic breaks my heart 😦
May 20, 2013 at 12:29 pm
Thank you….I have not been able to bring myself to write a post. I am just so heartbroken for those sweet families. You have said it so well and I have no other words but thank you.
May 20, 2013 at 12:32 pm
It struck me one day as I sat in the car in the parking lot after wrestling my three kids into their car seats after an absolutely necessary trip to the grocery store, as I watched a man FOLLOWED by his two children younger than mine into the grocery store, that my children did not do that (can you follow this sentence? Ha). My children never followed me. I always had to have my eye, and usually hands on them whenever I went somewhere. My oldest daughter was a wanderer, my son was a runner, and my youngest daughter was, fortunately, strapped into a stroller. If I went for a walk, I had a wristlet on my daughter, and a harness on my son, and my youngest in the stroller. It looked like I was out walking the dogs. I got some strange looks, but it was either that or stay indoors.
May 20, 2013 at 1:31 pm
Wow. I didn’t know you could do this. Thank you so much for sharing.
May 20, 2013 at 2:58 pm
The fact that it could be any of us in those headlines… any one of us. It chills me to the bone. I know you’re a good parent, Alysia… heck — I try to model after you. But that one instant of confusion? It’s a suffocating weight that we may bear for a lifetime. May God bless and keep those poor families in the palm of His hand.
May 20, 2013 at 3:36 pm
I’ve had that fear in my heart when a child disappears in a store…and then the sigh of relief when he/she is found. I cannot imagine how hard it would be if they were never found…
May 20, 2013 at 5:33 pm
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May 21, 2013 at 9:03 am
My friend, this song was played at my cousin’s funeral (he was 7) and I still can’t listen to it. He just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, just like those three this week, just like it could be any of our kids. We’ve only had one (so far) incident where we ‘lost’ Pudding- she had gone to the bathroom in a busy park and with all the people and bright sunlight had been unable to find us again. It happens just like that.