We had just had a fight. He went stomping up the stairs, green homework folder in hand.
We fight about homework almost every night. Not the actual work, but the “dropping what you’re doing because it’s time to start it” fight.
Tonight, I yelled a little louder about it than usual. The noise in the house had reached a deafening level, and I was on sensory overload.
“Are you kidding me?” I yelled. “Get upstairs, clear a space off that mess of a table you have in your room, and DO. YOUR. HOMEWORK!”
Gerry disappeared up the stairs for a while. I went back to making pasta.
**********
About 20 minutes later, I called him down for dinner.
He came down, homework folder in hand, with a slight smile on his face.
“I finished all my math homework,” he said. “And I did all my spelling work for the week.”
He turned to put his folder in his backpack.
“I’m really proud of you, kiddo.” I said.
Gerry turned around.
I pulled him in for a hug. Tight.
Tim says I don’t hug him enough. I’m not a hugger, neither is Gerry really. And I’m so hugged-out from the other two – demanding hugs that aren’t really hugs out of love.
I don’t hug him enough.
I expected him to pull away, like a nine-year-old boy would.
He hugged me tighter.
At that moment, I felt that all was forgiven. Not just my yelling over something so unimportant as homework, but every other time that I was too tired to be present for him.
I handed him his bowl of pasta. The noise of his brothers filled the room again.
My kid just needed a hug. And I guess…so did I.
(editor’s note: In between yelling at Gerry and making pasta, I read about the passing of Susan Niebur. Many of us knew her online as @whymommy or through her amazing blog Toddler Planet. My friend Stimey wrote this beautiful tribute to her at My Friend Susan. Take a moment to read it and read why Stimey chose “thoughtful” to describe her incredible friend. Thank you Susan for inspiring my hug tonight with my son. One of the many not-so-little things you’ve inspired so many to do. My thoughts are with Susan’s family and all of her friends who loved her so.)
“I’ve got the presidential seal (was the president)
I’m up on the presidential podium
My mama loves me
She loves me
She get down on her knees and hug me
Like she loves me like a rock
She rocks me like the rock of ages
And loves me.” – Loves Me Like A Rock by Paul Simon

February 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm
we have huge homework issues here too. Even the 16 year old. makes me batty!! Those hugs can be awesome, even with people like us that dont “do hugs”
February 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Great post…my 8 y.o. gave me the best hug tonight, too. Of course, he is my “hugger”, so it wasn’t unusual…but he held on for a while. Sometimes I feel like he gets neglected, too…since he is the most independent thus far…
February 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm
Those hugs mean a lot, don’t they? This is beautiful.
February 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Hugs can be great. Especially when they are so needed. After homework battles, they are definitely needed!
February 6, 2012 at 10:28 pm
It’s surprised me many times how powerful a hug can be. It can diffuse a tense situation with my toddler and make Danny calm down…. Great post!
February 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm
Wonderful post. Almost makes me look forward to homework battles.
February 7, 2012 at 9:07 am
I’m sorry to hear that Susan passed. I did not know her but I am sorry for the loss of someone in the community.
Beautiful post about the very special reciprocal hug. What a beautiful moment to share.
February 7, 2012 at 10:38 am
I could just feel the hug. I could feel the anger and then hug that made it all okay. Thank you my friend. I felt the hug too!
February 7, 2012 at 11:51 am
I had to smile a little at this post. Not only do we have almost the exact same “discussion” about homework on a very regular basis but the same dreaded green folder.
Who knew homework was so hard on the whole family?!!!
June 3, 2012 at 6:02 am
[...] And you taught me that ten years later, you are still my best travel companion. And that sometimes a hug says more than words. [...]