Dear They Might Be Giants,
I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for a terrific concert this weekend in Arlington, Massachusetts. We drove in with all three boys to see your show, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It’s hard for us to take all of our boys anywhere, and this was our first concert together. But we love your music, so we thought we’d give it a try.
At first, things didn’t go all that smoothly. We waited outside in line for about a half hour, about 20 minutes longer than I had anticipated. We were in the shade for the most part, so it wasn’t all that bad. I thought we were doomed though when we went into the theater box office to get our tickets, and Howie started to gag from the mix of the popcorn and people smell. All those bodies and all those food smells are usually the “kiss of death” for him, so I thought we were leaving right then and there.
See, my 4 year old son has sensory processing disorder. This means that he has trouble regulating his “sensory input”. He’s overly sensitive to the world around him – smells, sounds, noises, crowds…all these things come bombarding at him all at once, and his body and brain have trouble making sense of it all. Sometimes his behavior spirals out of control. Sometimes he retreats into my arms. Sometimes both. Taking him to a concert with live music was really bringing him out of his comfort zone. Add this to the concert starting right at Lewis’ nap time, and I was beginning to think I should file this trip under “What was I thinking?”
Once inside, we were lucky enough to find four seats together in the back row by the aisle. We know most people shy away from this spot, but it was perfect for us. We could see but it wasn’t too close for the lights to be too bright. We could hear, but it wasn’t too loud. And most importantly, we could get up and leave easily if needed.
But, They Might Be Giants, you did an amazing job of knowing your audience and planning your show accordingly. You kept the lights on in the theater so the kids could see each other and their parents. There were no sudden loud noises or explosions (well, except for the confetti machine, but we were far enough back that we were able to enjoy it without getting scared). You kept the banter between songs to a minimum, and played familiar songs from all your kids’ albums so that we could constantly remind our son “Hey! We know this song!”. And you even threw us a parents a couple of songs too from the old days (thank you for Istanbul- one of my favs!) My oldest son was singing along to all his favorites from “Here Comes Science”. Your album re-ignited his love for science, and he’s telling grownups about the periodic table and how the sun is made of gases. My youngest fell asleep (no offense, but he’s the third child and it was nap time).
And after an hour on my lap, Howie got down, walked over to the railing next to our seats, and proceeded to pretend to play the bongos along with “Particle Man” and “Alphabet of Nations”. He was dancing and singing and moving to the music. It was truly a remarkable experience for me and for our family, seeing him up like that. On our way out the door after your encore, Howie turned to me and said “That was GREAT!!”.
It was more than great. It was amazing. So thank you They Might Be Giants. You allowed our family to have a wonderful experience together, and showed us that it’s ok to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. Thank you for giving us the ability to enjoy live music as a family again.
Sincerely,
All of Us
“Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
who watches over you
make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it:
say I’m the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul” – They Might Be Giants
May 24, 2010 at 8:13 pm
I think this is the perfect fan letter. Glad you had a great time.
May 24, 2010 at 8:53 pm
I think I know what new cd I’ll be buying for my summertime listening… They Might be Giants…
What a lovely post to read… and you all survived… Ah, such Joy! Joy! maybe not priceless, but still Joy!
May 25, 2010 at 10:18 am
You will love their music – fun and easy to listen to (and educational, but don’t tell anyone!) My kids love the ABC’s and the 123′s, and my older son loves the “Here Comes Science”. My 4 yr old was singing along yesterday in the car to “Meet the Elements” : “Carbon in it’s ordinary form is coal/Crush it together and diamonds are born”. He may not know what he’s saying now, but it’s still cute to listen to!
May 25, 2010 at 10:02 am
Alysia this is a great letter! My son, Ivan, also has special needs and it’s been music – live music especially – that has allowed us to get out and join in family events. For some reason even though Ivan has a hard time in crowds, can’t stand the sound of screaming kids, gets tired very easily, and can be terribly clingy, music makes it all OK. As long as someone is rocking out, we’re cool!
And I love what you say about pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. It can be so easy to just stay home but we need to at least try new things, right? Otherwise how will we find out what our kids really like?
Great job mom!
May 25, 2010 at 10:20 am
Thank you! and I loved your site and review of the show too. Amazing how sometimes the things that we think will bother our kids the most turn out to be the one thing they enjoy more than anything. It was the perfect show and the perfect crowd. thanks for sharing your story too!
May 26, 2010 at 5:27 pm
I keep meaning to check out their kids’ music. I loved them in college and can still sing “Particle Man” and “Birdhouse in your Soul.” We have got to get a hold of their kids’ music!
We did discover an awesome kids’ band called “Lunch Money” that my kids love.
Oh, and as for the concert, I just want you to know, you are my hero for being brave enough to take your kids there! I have shied away from so many events like that, including carnivals, fairs, etc. because of my kid’s SPD, but lately, I have been feeling like I need to take him to these sorts of things. I think I am just too scared and it seems like too much energy. Thanks for inspiring me to get out of my comfort zone (not just my son’s!)
May 26, 2010 at 6:26 pm
definitely check out their kids’ music. It is just as much fun as their music for adults – maybe more so because everyone can enjoy it. I’ll have to check out Lunch Money
I’m no hero – I spent the whole time nervously checking on my son, watching his every move, waiting for the shoe to drop. But it didn’t. Part of that comes with experience – knowing how to redirect and mediate the triggers before he spirals out of control. We skip a lot of stuff – birthday parties, carnivals, playgrounds and playspaces – but with two other kids I try to balance what’s fair for us all. It seems impossible, but sometimes you just have to go for it and see what happens.
May 28, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Thanks for linking to the SPD Blog Carnival today! Love reading your posts.
Hartley
http://www.hartleysboys.com
May 28, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Glad it was such a great experience for your family:) They are an awesome band who seem to really “get” children!
May 28, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Wow! Not sure I would have braved a real live concert. Kudos to you and wonderful letter about it… Our family does enjoy free concerts at the harbor in Plymouth, MA in the summer, though. My son has usually done very well at them
May 30, 2010 at 11:46 am
My son is two and we purchased some earmuffs for him a couple weeks ago. He has been able to go to shows with really loud drumming & tons of people. Usually we would have had complete melt downs & would have had to leave. I can actually vacuum our house now! They are from Peltro Kids or Baby Bands also sells earmuffs for kids, they even come in Camo!!!
Thanks for your post, it’s good to hear we am not alone!
June 2, 2010 at 12:50 am
I still remember dancing to “Istanbul not Constantanople” as a teenager. Now Simon bounces and crashes around to it when he uses my mp3. LOVE them.
Have you heard the Barenaked Ladies kids’ CD. It’s equally awesome and touches on lots of sensory issues actually. Food, smells, allergies, fears. One of Simon’s favourites.
Caitlin
http://www.welcome-to-normal.com
June 2, 2010 at 6:25 am
I just bought the BNL CD “Snack” for kids – I can’t wait to listen to it. I love how these bands that I enjoyed listening to are now doing kids’ stuff. Makes it so much more fun!